I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you traded sex for a burrito?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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