she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
