idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
