I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
