Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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