Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
