I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
