ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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