Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
