and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize