so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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