the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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