trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
