Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You ate ashes out of my bong
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
