I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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