Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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