Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
