He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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