fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
