Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
