Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
