Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
