Non-Jews are for practice
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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