thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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