If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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