hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
