Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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