We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
that's an acceptable place to lick
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
