I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
