I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
