I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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