bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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