I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
