You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
