I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
