Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
