Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
