White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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