Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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