Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
