Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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