There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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