Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
