forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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