Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
