HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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