she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Found the puke drawer
What drink are we having for lunch?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
