What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
