508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
