Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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