I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
