All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
