As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
