im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
