now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
