I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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