My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
