I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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